|News you won't find anywhere else||Vol 2, Issue 6 -- 03.15.2009|
Miracle births have experts saying:
Octomom is the new Virgin MaryBy Peter Paul Matthews
WHITTIER, CALIF.--A diverse group of religious scholars, astrologers, metaphysicians and marketing professionals have all come to the same stunning conclusion -- Octomom Nadya Suleman is a modern-day Virgin Mary!
Suleman, 33, shocked the world when she gave birth to octuplets on Jan. 26 and, miraculously, they all survived.
A growing number of spiritual experts now believe the infants fulfill the Messianic prophesy that heralds the
“This could be a transformative event,” declares Colton Strangeways, professor emeritus at the
Another religious scholar notes several similarites between Suleman and the Madonna.
Priestley also points out that there is an uncanny likeness between Suleman and the Madonna as depicted in art through the ages.
"I now call her the Octo-Madonna," he proclaims.
Astrologer Regan Lear notes that on the evening Suleman’s octuplets were born, the “morning star” of
“Just like the star of
Famed numerologist and Nostradamus expert J. Lee Klontz explains that when you add up the birth numbers for the octuplets -- 1 for the month of January, 26 for the day, 2009 for the year -- you get 2036. And when those digits are added together it equals the mystical number of 11. Multiply that by eight, for the number of infants, and the sum is 88.
“In the 88th quatrain of the final installment of Nostradamus’ The Prophecies, it is written, “...theSaviors appear in the
And multi-media advertising exec Joe Wisenheimer,
“If a tortilla chip that vaguely resembles Christ can sell for thousands on eBay,think what eight little Messiahs could be worth,” says Wisenheimer.
But others believe the miracle births cannot be measured in dollars.
“Let’s face it, between the international economic meltdown, global warming, terrorism in an age of catastrophic weaponry and the proliferation of reality shows on TV, the world's really in the toilet,” says Strangeways. “It’s clear that things are so bad one Messiah isn’t enough -- we need eight!”
Geneticist: Rush Limbaugh is a pigBy Dr. Frank N. Stein
“It shows in his physicality -- the pinkish flesh, beady eyes, flabby jowls, thick torso and stubby legs,” adds
“The odd thing is that he also has personality traits that have been unfairly attributed to pigs, such as selfishness, gluttony, stubbornness and misogyny, along with an affinity for figuratively wallowing in the mud.”
As this rare photo of Limbaugh as a 14-year-old shows, he actually had a pig-like snout as a youth.
“Unfortunately for Limbaugh, sometimes you are what your mother eats,” says
“In any case, I’m sure she never would have had the baby if she’d known what a monstrosity it was destined to be.”
Another expert notes that young Limbaugh’s porcine proboscis probably led to deep psychological scars.
“I’ve seen some pretty bad noses, but this one takes the cake,” observes Dr. James Skinner, a top cosmetic surgeon who has not treated Limbaugh but examined our photo. “Being saddled with a deformity like this at a young age would no doubt instill in the person a deep hatred for anyone normal.”
It’s believed that Limbaugh’s parents were too poor to pay for a nose job, but he eventually got one through Medicaid.
“You’d think he’d be thankful for entitlement programs to help the poor after that, but unlike cows, horses and goats, pigs are notoriously hypocritical creatures,” notes livestock psychologist Dr. Cole MacDonald. “So Limbaugh’s railing against all forms of government assistance kind of fits the mold.”
Despite the mountain of evidence,
“My pigs have much better manners than Rush,” Slopp tells the Cosmic Chronicle. ”And besides that, they’re all socialists!”
Americans are so toxic, if we were cannibals the FDA would declare our meat unfit for human consumption!
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