|News you won't find anywhere else||Vol 2, Issue 24 -- 12.15.2009|
“We met at a Halloween party in
“Tiger said I had a great costume -- and that he really liked my horns,” she adds with a giggle. “But, actually, Halloween is the only time I get to take my human costume off.”
Raahala, 25 in Earth years, says the shamed athlete invited her up to his
The blockbuster news quickly made headlines around the globe.
“We see this as a watershed moment in alien/human relations,” proclaims rock legend David Bowie who, as the Cosmic Chronicle previously reported, came out as an alien last year.
But some humans were critical.
Dorothy Sauerpuss, president of the Las Vegas Abstinence Society, which boasts three members, blasted Woods for reportedly having unprotected sex with an alien species.
And civil rights activist Rev. Al Sharpton sees Tiger’s extraterrestrial hookup as yet another slight to African- Americans.
“It’s bad enough that there are no black floozies in Tiger’s harem,” he fumes. “But then to go ahead and pick up a horned and striped alien is really adding insult to injury.”
In any case, Raahala reveals that their tryst was nothing more than a one-night stand.
“He kind of freaked out in the morning when he realized I wasn’t wearing a Halloween costume,” she says. “But the experience does support my study's thesis that celebrity Earthlings will mate with anything.”
For past issues of the Cosmic Chronicle, check out the Archive
Truth behind ‘pinwheel’ phenomenon
Obama wins top galactic award
By Ace Sweeney
But the Cosmic Chronicle has learned the truth about the spectacular light show – it was an alien tribute to United States President Barack Obama, who was named winner of the Milky Way Galaxy’s Being of the Year award.
“Obama was already in
Obama’s meteoric rise to galactic prominence has been stunning, but some critics question whether he deserves Being of the Year honors.
“He really has yet to do anything on a galactic scale,” notes Kotexican ambassador Hurrgod Tlaard. “At this point, it doesn’t look like he’ll even be able to save Earth.”
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