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Cosmic Chronicle
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contest to rename theory Christian group protests Big Bang By Peter Paul Matthews Religion correspondent
FLATWOODS “Saying that the universe began with a Big Bang cheapens this Devine creation,” notes Wilfred Blunderghast, president of the Society of United Christian Knights for Evangelical Reform [SUCKER]. “It makes the whole blessed thing sound like something that happened between some cheerleaders and players in a high school football team locker room.”
The Big Bang theory holds that the universe as we know it was created when a massive concentration of cosmic material exploded about 14 billion years ago, spreading debris that would eventually become stars, galaxies, nebulas, planets, comets, asteroids and other heavenly bodies, such as Angelina Jolie. SUCKER is now sponsoring a contest to rename the theory, with the winner getting an all-expenses-paid vacation to scenic Flatwoods for the organization’s annual pig roast and cross burning. “If you ask me, it should be called the Big Lie,“ blasts Blunderghast. “As we all know from the Bible, God created the heavens and the Earth in six days about 6,000 years ago. The Big Bang is the biggest insult to Him since that ridiculous theory of evolution!” |
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