|News you won't find anywhere else||Vol 1, Issue 6 -- 08.15.2008|
Murderous spacemen on the loose
Sheriff Joe vaporized by illegal aliensBy Jim McNutt
“I warned Sheriff Joe that maybe we should let these guys go, seeing how they didn’t look like your typical border-hopping beaners,” says deputy sheriff Wayne P. Kuntz. “But he just wouldn’t listen.”
“At that point,” Kuntz recalls, “Sheriff Joe says, ‘Bambutu, Dorkutu -- I don’t care if they come straight from
The sheriff reportedly drew his handgun. Sadly, that was the last thing he did.
“One of the aliens just pointed at Sheriff Joe, and the next thing I know Sheriff Joe is no longer there,” says Kuntz. “All that was left of him was some brownish slime on the ground, kind of like a wad of spit tobacco.”
It was a sudden and inglorious end for Arpaio, who dubbed himself “
Arpaio’s department also boasted of rounding up more than 15,000 illegal immigrants. But the two aliens who got away are still on the lam and considered “four-armed and dangerous.”
President George W. Bush praised Arpaio and vowed to track down the murderous fugitives from Bambutu.
“Sheriff Joe was a true American hero who certainly didn’t deserve to wind up looking like a wad of spit tobacco,” said Bush. “We’ll go the ends of the universe to hunt down the evildoers responsible for this cowardly act.
"I just hope they’re not in
Room for rent
Housing crunch hits space stationBy Ivana Mann
Terry Bowie, NASA’s acting chief financial officer adds that the original $25 billion estimate to build the space station has long been surpassed.
Rent has been set at $1 million a month for a berth in the Russian-built Svezda module. Transportation is extra.
“But the rent includes utilities and food, and it really is a cool place to hang out,” says
“The line to the toilet may be long," says Bowie, "but the view is great!”
More than one-quarter of all Americans are now obese, and a study by the University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine and others predicts that by the year 2030, nine out of 10 Americans will be overweight or obese.
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