Cosmic Cafe logo

Cosmic Chronicle
News you won't find anywhere else Vol 1, Issue 13 -- 12.01.2008
NASA does it again!
Space agency 'brews' up a winner
By Jim McNutt
NASA Bureau Chief
, ALA.
--In its relentless quest for the betterment of all mankind, NASA has made yet another extraordinary technological breakthrough -- changing urine into beer!
    Space agency officials have been complaining about an ill-defined problem with the new water recovery system on the International Space Station since its first test on Nov. 18, and now informed sources are revealing that the only problem is the $154 million device is churing out premium beer instead of water.
ISS: Party Central
    “We have NO problem, Houston,” station commander Michael Fincke gleefully radioed back to Earth during the system’s first test.
    But project manager Bob Bagdigian says he knew something was amiss when Finke asked if there was any way to send up a few dozen chicken wings -- or at least some salsa and chips.
    “Let’s put it this way,” says Bagdigian, an environmental systems specialist based at the  Space & Rocket Center in Huntsville. “It was beginning to sound like a frat party up there, especially when [space shuttle Endeavour astronaut] Donald Pettit started singing Louie, Louie.”
Bob Bagdigian
Bagdigian and the water/beer recovery unit
    Along with urine, the water recovery system is supposed to transform sweat, condensation and other waste fluids into drinkable water.
    NASA engineers aren’t sure why the keg-sized urine processor was pumping out beer instead, but they’re working on finding the answer – and marketing it!
    “Imagine the possibilities,” says Bagdigian. “From what I hear, the beer being produced measures up to the best German pilsners.”
    The astronauts weren’t even supposed to be drinking the “recovered water” from the contraption until samples were transported back to Earth for testing. But Fincke confesses he couldn’t control himself after he caught a whiff of the space brew.
Fresh from the tap!
    “You’ve got to understand I’ve been living without beer for more than a month now and I just had to give it a try,” admits Fincke, 41, who flew to the ISS aboard a Russian Soyuz spacecraft in October. “It’s a surprisingly bold brew with a rich malt flavor and decidedly hoppy aftertaste.
    “This is the best thing NASA’s come up with since Teflon.”
    But the water/beer recovery system has already caused problems, according to one space agency insider.
    “Word is that [astronaut] Heide Stefanyshyn-Piper slammed a beer before going on that spacewalk where she lost a $100,000 tool bag,” the insider tells the Cosmic Chronicle. “She probably underestimated the effects of weightlessness on alcohol absorption.
    “Supposedly, you can catch a pretty good buzz in space on just one beer. Then again, you got to wonder who was drinking what when NASA paid 100 grand for a tool bag!”

Alpha Centaurians in distress
Brangelina to adopt alien triplets
By Sally Stackhouse
Entertainment correspondent
—In a blockbuster world exclusive, the Cosmic Chronicle can reveal that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are adopting triplets – from outer space!
    The superstar duo known as Brangelina are expected to announce the happy news as soon as the babies’ travel arrangements from the nearby Alpha Centauri star system are finalized, according to a close friend.
Alien triplets
The triplets: Packed to go!
    “Angie told me they hope to have three little presents under the Christmas tree this year,” says the friend. “The babies actually come in these little bottles...they’re soooo cute.”
    Jolie, 33, took up the cause of disadvantaged children from the planet Centauri-3 in our neighboring star system after being named the U.N. Goodwill Ambassador of Extra-Solar Bodies.
    “I think she’s trying to lead by example,” says another pal. “And, besides that, Angelina’s definitely got an Extra-Solar body.”
    Jolie is keeping mum about the kids, but in a recent appeal for intergalactic aid for Centauri-3 she said, “The beleaguered children from this far-flung world are innocent and beautiful – in their own way – and they desperately need our help.”
Brad and Angelina
    Centauri-3 was a thriving planet until the economic system of the  inhabitants, scaly creatures with tentacles, evolved into a free market.
    “Eventually, one of them gained all the wealth and left most of the rest to starve,” explains Dr. Hans Klaatu, professor of extraterrestrial studies at Roswell University in New Mexico. “It’s tragic but not unusual. Like nuclear weapons and environmental destruction, most forms of intelligent species have to survive a catastrophic free market economy before moving up to the next rung of the evolutionary ladder.”
Brangelina's $70M mansion
    The alien triplets will join Jolie, Pitt, 45, their three adopted kids, Maddox, 6, Pax, 4, and Zahara, 3, three biological children, Shiloh, 2, and twins Knox and Vivienne, 5 months, along with a dozen nannies, security guards, chefs, maids, drivers, a full-time pediatrician and a team of human and alien wet nurses at Pitt and Jolie’s $70 million mansion here in the south of France.
Says the first friend: “Angie told me, ‘We’re just one, big happy family. What’s a few more mouths to feed or tentacles to scrub – especially when Brad and I don’t have to do it ourselves?’”

Did you know...
It's estimated that between 60% and 80% of all cancers, neurological disorders and mental conditions are a direct result of chemicals in our air, water and food.

So what can YOU do about it?

Use Isagenix -- the world's best supplement
Cleanse your body, lose weight and feel great!
For more info, click on the logo
Isagenix logo
The Cosmic Cafe
Pamelina H.
Our featured artist:
Pamelina H.
Pamelina comes from a long line of artists and has been painting and drawing for as long as she can remember.
Click the image above to see
 Pamelina's beautiful work.

Make a friend's day:
Forward him or her the link to this issue of the Cosmic Chronicle!

If you want to subscribe, just fill in the form below.



Don't worry -- your e-mail address is totally secure.
I promise to use it only to send you the Cosmic Chronicle.
Be sure to visit the
Cosmic Chronicle Archive

To travel to the Cosmic Cafe's home page,
 hop on the flying saucer!

UFO spinning