Cosmic Chronicle

News you won't find anywhere else...on Earth

Addams Family divorce nightmare

Happier times: Gomez and Morticia before the split

    CEMETERY LANE – In a shocking blow to family value proponents, Gomez Addams has filed for divorce from Morticia after catching his raven-haired wife cheating with one of the household servants.
    “Morticia had a fling with Thing,” charges Gomez, referring to the disembodied hand that served the family. “It’s pretty bad. The kids are falling apart, Uncle Fester is getting lit and even Cousin Itt calls it a hairy situation.”

Homewrecker: Thing

Gomez says he first suspected something was amiss when he overheard Morticia speaking French to Thing.
    “She knows what that can do to a man -- or even a part of a man,” says the devastated industrialist.
    According to court papers, Morticia is seeking custody of the couple’s two children, Pugsley and Wednesday, claiming Gomez “would provide too stable of an environment for them to develop abnormally.”
    Morticia was reportedly traveling in Transylvania with her new paramour and unavailable for comment.
    But the family butler, Lurch, told the Cosmic Chronicle: “Uuuuhhhhh!”

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