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Cosmic Chronicle
News you won't find anywhere else...on Earth
Evil One goes high tech
The Devil puts profile on Facebook
By Peter Paul Matthews
Religion correspondent

--In a bold effort to spread his evil influence across the planet, the Devil has posted his profile on the wildly popular social networking website Facebook!
The Devil
The Devil's Facebook photo
    “The Internet is a wonderful tool for disseminating iniquity,” the Evil One tells the Cosmic Chronicle in an exclusive interview. “Besides being as ubiquitous as You-Know-Who, Internet-propagated lies and innuendo are indiscernible from the truth -- as demonstrated by my minions at Fox News. This makes it simple to foster hate, intolerance and good ratings.”
    The Devil’s profile contains a photo and a short bio of the fallen angel along with a list of his many aliases, including Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, Prince of Darkness, Azazel, Iblis, Angra Mainyu and The Beast.

    “You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay,” he says with a wicked laugh. “Just be sure to call me when you get tired of praying futilely to Mr. High-And-Almighty up there!”

    The Devil has a large circle of friends on Facebook, icons of infamy including Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, legendary lunatic
Charlie Manson
Charles Manson
Charles Manson, the board of directors of Monsanto Corporation and former Vice President Dick Cheney, who, as the Cosmic Chronicle reported in its Nov. 15, 2008  issue, had a secret Satanic temple in his official residence at the Naval Observatory while in office.
    As interests, the Devil lists war, famine, pestilence, injustice, politics and reality TV.

    “The cutthroat reality shows are great because the most ruthless, diabolical and coldhearted schemers tend to win, just like in real life,” he says. “And with my friends at Monsanto, I’ve been dabbling in genetically modified crops. It’s a wonderfully insidious way to spread a new form of pestilence.”
Devil's Pact
The Devil's ePact

    On his Facebook page, the Devil also posts his famous contract, offering riches on Earth in exchange for eternal souls.

    “You don’t even have to sign in blood anymore,” he notes. “An electronic signature will do. If it’s good enough for the IRS, it’s good enough for me.”

    The Devil adds that demand for his services is skyrocketing.

    “Business is excellent these days,” he crows. “With a global recession raging, I’m the easiest way to beat the credit crunch!”
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