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Cosmic Chronicle
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Mummy comes unwrapped, in rehab
By Seymour Weiner
Supernatural correspondent
The Mummy
The Mummy
LUXOR, EGYPT -- The Mummy has landed in rehab after becoming addicted to adhesive tape!
    "Apparently, he started using it a couple of years ago," confides Dr. Mustaba Fixortu, an addictions expert at Pharaoh's Rehabilitation Clinic in Luxor. "At first, it was just snippets to patch up little tears in his linen. But he felt empowered by it and began using more and more until it just got out of control."
    An anonymous call led authorities to The Mummy's tomb, where he was found unconcious and covered in adhesive tape from head to toe. Unlike his linen wrapping, the adhesive tape isn't breathable and the ageless fiend was suffocating.
    "We got there in the nick of time," says Giza police officer Ahmad Ashell. "But we couldn't pull off the adhesive tape without it tearing up his linen. So we just took him in as he was."
    Doctors carefully cut off the adhesive tape and rewrapped the damaged linen. The Mummy has regained his strength and is now vowing to beat his demons. But Dr. Fixortu says the ancient ghoul has a hard road ahead.
    "He needs to keep off the adhesive tape," explains Dr. Fixortu. "He shouldn't even come in contact with any users because one whiff of the stuff may be all it takes to send him careening back into the dark abyss of addiction."
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