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White House needs purifying
Biden names famed exorcist to transition teamBy Jack Scratch
Chief Underworld correspondent
GREENVILLE, DEL. – President-elect Joe Biden has named exorcist Father Luke Merrin to serve on his White House transition team, the Cosmic Chronicle can exclusively reveal.
Biden, an avowed Catholic, has previously been shaken by a brush with the Devil's work. As the Cosmic Chronicle reported in November 2008, when then vice president-elect Biden was hosted by his predecessor, Dick Cheney, for an evening in the vice president’s official residence at the U.S. Naval Observatory, he stumbled upon a Satanic temple in a secret wing. Besides a contract between Cheney and “Lucifer” signed in blood, Biden found a torture chamber including a prototype water-boarding device manufactured by the Halliburton subsidiary, Abu-Garib Enterprises
Trump’s improbable rise from shady real estate tycoon and blowhard reality show host to President of the United States, the most powerful man in the world, is so incredulous that even some scientists are pondering the possibility of the supernatural coming into play.
“As imbecilic as it may seem, you just can’t rule out the Devil,” says quantum physicist Gerald Einstein, a distant cousin of America’s most famous scientist. “Even Cousin Albert knew there are things going on that seem to transcend the physical laws of nature, like Dolly Parton's figure. Give it whatever name you want, but there obviously are some really weird forces in play right now, and an exorcism can’t hurt.”
“Gerald has his uncle’s knack for getting the Devil out of anyone, or anything,” says the insider. “But he’s definitely got his hands full trying to purify the Trump White House.”
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