|News you won't find anywhere else||Vol 1, Issue 13 -- 12.01.2008|
NASA does it again!
Space agency 'brews' up a winner
By Jim McNutt
NASA Bureau Chief
Space agency officials have been complaining about an ill-defined problem with the new water recovery system on the International Space Station since its first test on Nov. 18, and now informed sources are revealing that the only problem is the $154 million device is churing out premium beer instead of water.
But project manager Bob Bagdigian says he knew something was amiss when Finke asked if there was any way to send up a few dozen chicken wings -- or at least some salsa and chips.
“Let’s put it this way,” says Bagdigian, an environmental systems specialist based at the Space & Rocket Center in Huntsville
NASA engineers aren’t sure why the keg-sized urine processor was pumping out beer instead, but they’re working on finding the answer – and marketing it!
“Imagine the possibilities,” says Bagdigian. “From what I hear, the beer being produced measures up to the best German pilsners.”
The astronauts weren’t even supposed to be drinking the “recovered water” from the contraption until samples were transported back to Earth for testing. But Fincke confesses he couldn’t control himself after he caught a whiff of the space brew.
“This is the best thing NASA’s come up with since Teflon.”
But the water/beer recovery system has already caused problems, according to one space agency insider.
“Word is that [astronaut] Heide Stefanyshyn-Piper slammed a beer before going on that spacewalk where she lost a $100,000 tool bag,” the insider tells the Cosmic Chronicle. “She probably underestimated the effects of weightlessness on alcohol absorption.
“Supposedly, you can catch a pretty good buzz in space on just one beer. Then again, you got to wonder who was drinking what when NASA paid 100 grand for a tool bag!”
Alpha Centaurians in distress
Brangelina to adopt alien triplets
By Sally Stackhouse
The superstar duo known as Brangelina are expected to announce the happy news as soon as the babies’ travel arrangements from the nearby Alpha Centauri star system are finalized, according to a close friend.
Jolie, 33, took up the cause of disadvantaged children from the planet Centauri-3 in our neighboring star system after being named the U.N. Goodwill Ambassador of Extra-Solar Bodies.
“I think she’s trying to lead by example,” says another pal. “And, besides that, Angelina’s definitely got an Extra-Solar body.”
Jolie is keeping mum about the kids, but in a recent appeal for intergalactic aid for Centauri-3 she said, “The beleaguered children from this far-flung world are innocent and beautiful – in their own way – and they desperately need our help.”
“Eventually, one of them gained all the wealth and left most of the rest to starve,” explains Dr. Hans Klaatu, professor of extraterrestrial studies at
Says the first friend: “Angie told me, ‘We’re just one, big happy family. What’s a few more mouths to feed or tentacles to scrub – especially when Brad and I don’t have to do it ourselves?’”
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