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Cosmic Chronicle
News you won't find anywhere else Vol 2, Issue 2 -- 01.15.2009
True crime shocker!
Saudi busted in model ova-selling plot
By John T. Ripper
Crime correspondent

, KY.--A prominent Saudi Arabian businessman has been arrested for allegedly kidnapping beautiful fashion models, imprisoning them on his Kentucky horse farm and harvesting their ova to sell to rich Arab men with ugly wives.
Imprisoned model
Imprisoned model
    “It’s the most despicable and twisted thing I’ve ever seen,” says disgusted FBI agent H.M. Winnig. “We found the girls locked away half-naked in an underground chamber. It’s an image I’ll never get out of my mind!”
Ahmet Abu-Abu, one of the world’s leading manufacturers of burqas, the veiled robes worn by Muslim women, was taken into custody by an FBI-Interpol task force on his horse farm outside Lexington last week.
“But they are just women,” Abu-Abu protested as he was hauled away in handcuffs. “For Allah’s sake, the next thing you know they’ll be arresting me for slaughtering lambs -- or penning up my chickens!”
Ahmet Abu-Abu
    Abu-Abu, 42, who also breeds thoroughbred racehorses on his Kentucky spread, Mecca West Farms, advertised in a fashion trade journal “for female models interested in a long-term project in an exotic location.”
Six of the models who responded were imprisoned on the horse farm, where they say they were fed little but hummus, falafels and stale pita bread. During 11 months of captivity, the models’ ova were systematically harvested by Dr. Stephen Hacker, a dwarf obstetrician whose Kentucky medical license was revoked in 1996.
The eggs were then sold to wealthy Arab men -- for up to $50,000 each!
“In primitive cultures, arranged marriages are still quite common,” notes renowned anthropologist Clive Nosegay. “If a rich man winds up with a woman who has a face like a camel, I can see how he would be tempted to buy ova from a model so he could have beautiful children -- or at least kids who take a good picture.”
FBI agent Winnig adds that the horse farm was perfect cover.
Mecca West Farms
Mecca West Farms
    “The clients posed as horse buyers and chose the ova they wanted after seeing the models,” he explains. “Then, Dr. Hacker performed the in vitro fertilization and embryo implantation using the horse breeding facilities.”
Abu-Abu was also accused of supplying the al-Qaida terror network with propaganda photos of the scantily clad models posing as the virgins who supposedly await suicide bombers in heaven.
“It’s bad enough to be kidnapped and have my eggs stolen,” says one of the models. “But to hear I may have helped to inspire suicide bombings really makes me sick. I mean, I really need to find a new agent.”
The diabolical operation was finally exposed after one of Abu-Abu’s clients complained to authorities.
Dr. Stephen Hacker
Dr. Stephen Hacker
Outraged Bahrain citizen Abdul Mustafa claims that instead of  using his sperm to fertilize the ova implanted in his wife Yusraa, Dr. Hacker used his own.
“We had twins and both are dwarfs,” fumes Abdul, CEO of Burqas ’R Us. “They even look like that ugly little doctor.
“If I could get my hands on him now, I would feed his genitals to my dogs.”

Where Are They Now?
‘Uncle Martin’  finishes anthropology study
By Tim O’Hara Jr.
Special Correspondent
SCORPULUS, MARS-- Exigius 12½, better known as Uncle Martin O’Hara from the ’60s TV series My Favorite Martian, has finally completed his anthro- pological study of life on Earth, Strangers in a Strange Land.
Uncle Martin now
...and now
Uncle Martin
Exigius then...

    “It was a long time coming,” Exigius tells the Cosmic
Chronicle in an exclusive interview. “But I believe this study will offer invaluable insight into the oft-frightening human mind as they make their first sustained forays into space.”
Exigius was on an anthro- pological expedition when his spaceship crash-landed outside Los Angeles in 1963. He was found by the late newspaper reporter Tim O’Hara Sr., who invited the alien to stay in his Cahuenga, Calif., home, posing as his uncle.
Around the same time, O’Hara was approached by visionary TV producer Jack Chertok, who was interested in doing a series following the daily life of a reporter in an experimental genre of TV called a "reality show." And as soon as Chertok met O’Hara’s seemingly eccentric uncle, he was sold.
The series, My Favorite Martian, ran for three seasons. And even though the shows were shot unscripted with real people, such as O’Hara’s nosy neighbor Mrs. Brown, it was always assumed to be just another sitcom due to “Uncle Martin’s” retractable antennae and abilities to disappear, levitate objects, read minds and utilize a host of other fantastic powers.
Arsia 3/4
Arsia 3¾
    After three years on Earth, Exigius had collected enough data for his study and was picked up by his nephew Andromeda for transport back to Mars.
    While working on his anthropological study, Exigius tragically lost his beloved wife Arsia 9¼ in a freak mining mishap. He now lives with his stunning daughter Arsia 3¾ in Scorpulus, a bustling subterranean city in the northern hemisphere of the Red Planet.
“My experiences on Earth taught me a lot about patience in dealing with primitive life forms,” says Exigius. “It was a fascinating glimpse into what Martians must have been like millions of years ago.”

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