|News you won't find anywhere else||Vol 3, Issue 9 -- 05.15.2010|
New threat to stricken area
By Shlomo Garcia
“Golly gee, I’ve never seen anything like it,” says Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal. “They’re washing up on our shores in alarming numbers. I really don’t know how we're going to clean up this mess.”
Once ashore, the lawyers spread uncontrollably, oozing out to foul every nook and cranny in the region. And they’ve been devastating natural resources, like seafood and New Orleans Saints memorabilia.
“They’ve decimated expansive beds of oysters Rockefeller and have devoured entire runs of Creole shrimp,” says
Elevated populations of lawyers began to appear in the troubled region shortly after the April 20 explosion of the BP-owned Transocean oil rig 42 miles off the Louisiana coast. At first, just a smattering of corporate attorneys started showing up to help staunch the flow -- of lawsuits.
But the tide of attorneys kept rising as it became more and more apparent the disaster would result in a deluge of litigation far exceeding other natural and man-made disasters, such as Hurricane Katrina, the 9/11 terrorist attacks and Tom Cruise’s last few movies.
To fight the massive wealth and power of the corporate legal teams, the personal injury attorneys have coalesced into one huge glob, pooling their resources to buy TV time, pay off judges and party on
“In any case, it’s a potential gold mine. Not only do you have gross negligence, but you have it being done by an oil company.
“For a personal injury attorney, this is the best thing to happen since the advent of pharmaceuticals.”
Sadly, DePew doesn't see relief coming anytime soon.
“The corporate attorneys have become so entrenched in the region the clean-up could take years,” he explains. “And that goopy glob of personal injury attorneys is likely to last even longer.”
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