Cosmic Cafe logo

Cosmic Chronicle
News you won't find anywhere else Vol 4, Issue 5 -- 08.01.2011
World exclusive interview with Monster Mom!
Octomom hires Casey to be nanny
By Ziggy Zeitgeist
Lifestyle correspondent

– In a shocking turn of events, Octomom Nadya Suleman has hired monster mom Casey Anthony as a nanny for her 14 children!
Octomom Nadya Suleman
Nadya Suleman

    “Everyone deserves a second chance,” Suleman tells the Cosmic Chronicle. “Besides, I know how the media can demonize someone – they did it to me and I didn’t even get away with killing any of my babies!”

    Anthony, 25, was released from prison on July 17 after the deaf, dumb and blind jury acquitted her of killing O.J. Simpson’s estranged wife Nicole Brown. When stunned prosecutors pointed out that she’d been on trial for murdering her 2-year-old daughter Caylee, not Nicole, the jury’s foreman said in sign language: “Oops!”

Casey Anthony
Casey Anthony
    In her first interview since being released from Florida’s Orange County Jail, Anthony tells the Cosmic Chronicle exclusively: “I’m not saying anything until you give me $500,000.”
    Despite Anthony’s acquittal and international notoriety, the brunette vixen emerged from jail without a single endorsement deal or reality show offer. Destitute and hounded by death threats, she found shelter in Suleman’s quaint but crowded California home.

    “I could really use some help around here,” says Suleman, who was already a single mom of six when she miraculously gave birth to octuplets in January 2009. “Things have been really tough since my boyfriend Doc Ock took off.”
Doc Ock and Octomom
Nadya with ex-beau Doc Ock

    As the Cosmic Chronicle reported in its May 15, 2009 issue, Spider-Man’s arch enemy Dr. Otto Octavious became infatuated with Octomom during her appearance on NBC’s Today show and threatened to blow up New York’s Rockefeller Center unless she dated him.

    The two hit it off until Suleman made a play for Jon and Kate Plus 8’s Jon Gosselin with hopes of landing a new reality show called Jon Minus Kate Plus 8 Plus Nadya Plus 14 Equals 24, We Think.

    “Doc Ock took off to launch another sinister plot against mankind, and when Jon got cold feet about trying to feed another 14 mouths on his salary as a solar panel installer, I was left alone,” moans Suleman. “And that’s tough when you’ve
got eight kids going through the terrible twos.
Octomom and monster mom
Casey and Nadya out and about
    Surprisingly, she has no fears that Anthony will harm her precious tots.
    “To tell you the truth, I think she feels really bad about the whole thing and being unable to cash in on her infamy,” says Suleman. “So I don’t think she’d do it again. Besides, I'm really happy to have a new BFF to pal around with. Casey is a blast when she’s not locked up in solitary confinement!”
For past issues of the Cosmic Chronicle, check out the Archive
Breaking news...
LeBron blamed for debt crisis
By Jacques Strapp
Sports correspondent
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The potentially catastrophic national debt crisis that crippled Washington was averted at the eleventh hour when a bitterly divided Congress finally came up with a viable compromise – blame beleaguered Miami Heat superstar LeBron James for everything! 
LeBron James
LeBron James

    “By and large, the politicians don’t really care what happens so long as they cover their asses – and assets,” explains a Beltway insider. “So it was integral that they get through this fiasco without being blamed for it.
    “After pointing their fingers across the aisle for months, House Speaker John Boehner came up with the brilliant idea of deflecting the blame to someone outside Washington.
LeBron was the obvious choice, seeing how he’s been blamed for just about everything else since The Decision.”
    Boehner inserted language into the historic bill stating that the debt crisis was “due to LeBron James’ fourth quarter failures” in the NBA championship finals as well as the pro cager’s “inflated sense of self-worth that has had a ripple effect through society, causing collapses in the housing market, consumer confidence, employment and the Cleveland Cavaliers.”
     LeBron could not be reached for comment due to his excessive height, but his much shorter rep tells the Cosmic Chronicle that the future Hall of Famer is willing to accept the blame so long as it’s good for the country.
Cuyahoga River fire
Cuyahoga River fire
    “LeBron’s got broad shoulders and feels he can carry the load,” says the rep. “His only request is that he not be traded back to Cleveland, where he’s not only being blamed for the Cavaliers’ pitiful season last year but also the pathetic record of the Cleveland Browns football team and the Cuyahoga River fire in 1969, even though it happened long before he was born.”

young living
Essential oils have been helping people since Biblical times. Discover their secrets and learn how we can cure the world, one drop at a time! Click on the logo for more info.

Did you know...

Americans are so toxic, if we were cannibals the FDA would declare our meat unfit for human consumption!

So what can YOU do about it?

Use Isagenix -- the world's best supplement
Cleanse your body, lose weight and feel great!
For more info, click on the logo
Isagenix logo
The Cosmic Cafe
David Hardy painting

Our featured artist, David Hardy
British native David is the world's longest practicing astronomical artist!

Click the image above to see
 more of his stellar work

Make a friend's day:
Forward him or her or it the link to this issue of the Cosmic Chronicle!

If you want to subscribe, just fill in the form below.



Don't worry -- your e-mail address is totally secure.
I promise to use it only to send you the Cosmic Chronicle.
Be sure to visit the
Cosmic Chronicle Archive

To travel to the Cosmic Cafe's home page,
 hop on the flying saucer!

UFO spinning